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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

On Literal Interpertations

I could never be an artist as a profession. I lack the talent, or at least the required focus and attention required in my opinion. But regardless, I enjoy it. Not necessarily the end product, or even the process of drawing is what stimulates my mind. But sitting down and focusing on something. The same applies to my musical dabbling with the guitar, my writing, or any art form I mess around with. To an individual like me, the act and process of creating art allows me to focus my senses on something, to an individual like me art is an excellent way to discover imperfections.

My mind attempts to interpret things as perfect as can be. Geometrical symmetry, clean and crisp forms. It is because of this I am fascinated by fire, constantly changing and constantly consuming the imperfections of anything it can get a hold of, to feed its own perfect imperfection. In my opinion it's a dangerous way to see life, seeking perfection and sense in the imperfect and irrational. And so for that reason I appreciate the artistic process, at least the step that lets me recognize the imperfections around me, even if I can't represent them properly.

I wonder how long I will have to be in my relationship with Kelly to not fear that it's something only temporary, or something not serious. I am sure the feelings I feel for her are nothing of the sort I have felt for anyone and I am sure she feels the same way for me, but still I find myself questioning just how stable my last relationship left me with relationships in general. I fear I am damaged on too many levels sometimes, and despite my many securities I still have those nagging insecurities that everything is going to fall apart again, not that they are justified in any way shape or form. I worry that I may and possibly do overdo things to make up for the fact that I just can't shake my coldness to the people around me off, even if I am sure I show Kelly just how much she means to me.
Which of course is everything, even I am second to her in my mind...

A relaxed Travy

1 comment:

Miss Cook said...

A blog finally he he
Your promise was kept